A Love Like No Other
by Mdelday
Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans spend their last year balancing secret make-out sessions, a war, exams, James's sick mother, and their Head Boy and Girl duties. *** A cheesy romance story about my favourite couple. Warning: Some smut involved. Special thank you to hillyminne on tumblr for letting me use her amazing art for a cover photo! xx
1. The Train

_AUTHORS NOTE: Hi to the five people who will read this! This is my first published story, so I am open for reviews and letting me know what you think! Hope you enjoy my favourite love birds._

* * *

The crisp autumn air cut through James's sweater, the sun was warm but the breeze made it too cool for a shirt alone. He stood at Kings Cross platform 9 3/4 , a little taller than last year, hair a little shorter, and a new badge added to his robes. In the distance, he could see his three friends- Sirius sitting on his bags telling some sort of story avidly with his hands, Remus rolling his eyes, and Peter hanging on to every word that poured out of Sirius' mouth. James smirked, wondering just what kind of nonsensical story Padfoot was spitting out from his summer abroad in Europe. (The story involved a blonde girl, a beach, too much booze, and an accident with an unfortunately placed tiki torch.)

James had missed his friends over the summer. He was so busy between Head Boy prep, visiting his mum in the hospital, and trying to clear a certain kiss that happened on the last day of his sixth year from his head, that he had hardly seen them all break. Remus had stopped by the house once with some tips for being Head Boy (not being at all jealous or angry with James, which he appreciated), Sirius visited Euphemia Potter twice in the hospital before flying off to Europe, and Peter had stopped in a handful of times with some food for the Potter men still at the house in Godric's Hollow, but he never stuck around for too long.

A familiar clap on the back rose James from his trance of watching his friends catch up. His father, Fleamont, stood behind him with James's owl, Bertie, caged in his hand. "Are you ready for this year, James? It's going to be a lot different."

A sad smile crossed his father's face, he knew he meant more than just becoming Head Boy.

"Yeah, I can finally order a drink at the Hogs Head now." He threw his dad a wink with a nudge of his elbow. They shared a small laugh, not wanting to dwell on the reality of his mother's sickness, death being so imminently close around the corner. She probably wouldn't even make it to see James finish his last year at Hogwarts. She might not even make it to Christmas.

James's mother, Euphemia, had been so overwhelmed with pride when James told her he got the Head Boy badge in the mail, she immediately burst into tears in her hospital bed. This was of course after the first fifteen minutes where she thought he had forged the badge and was trying to trick her. She hugged him so tightly he swore one of his ribs cracked.

"I knew you had it in you Jamey. So smart, talented, charming, now we just need to fix the 'rule following' aspect." She gave him one of her signature looks, a stern eye, but with the same smirk James often sported. Euphemia knew of some of the trouble her son got in to, but she also knew of the heart he had and how he never did anything malicious or to harm anyone. She actually quite preferred the pranks he and the Black boy pulled, finding them quirky and genius all at once.

In the moment, she had immediately pinned the badge to his blue jumper. "Wear it proudly my boy. Give it the honour it deserves." James reciprocated the bone-breaking tight hug, and held on for maybe a second too long because he didn't want his mother to see him cry. He loved her. He hated that he had to tell her as she lay, sick, in a hospital bed.

James turned back to his father as he remincised on the memory of his mum, and embraced him with his free arm. "I love you, pop" With a simple nod, Fleamont handed over Bertie and watched his son board the Hogwarts Express for his last year.

Once on the train, James made his way to the Head compartment, hoping a certain redhead hadn't beaten him there. Cautiously opening the door, he was relieved to find it empty. He chucked his luggage in the overhead compartment and sat Bertie beside him on the seat. James looked over at his owl to find the brown barn owl sleeping, and decided to follow suit. Sleep was hard to come by for the stressed beyond belief teenager, a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Evans didn't need him for at least an hour anyway.

* * *

"Should we try smelling salts?"

"Probably saw how short Virgina Hatley's skirt was and passed out."

"Maybe if we poke him with a stick,"

"Has anyone actually checked to see if he's breathing?"

"He's not dead Padfoot, you can clearly see his chest move up and down."

"Sorry we don't all want to become healers, Moony. We're not all scholars like you,"

"You know Sirius if you applied yourself, you're quite smart, then maybe-"

"Let him rest, I don't need him for a bout a half hour anyway. Poor bloke looks exhausted."

The three friends turned to the new female voice behind them. Lily Evans leaned against the compartment doorway, looking at the sleeping James Potter with half pity, and what almost looked like admiration. The boys started to protest, but she swiftly kicked the out with one raised eyebrow, and a swift, semi-threatening, flick of her wand.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later a groggy James Potter woke. He rubbed his eyes to make sure the girl in front of him wasn't a dream. There she sat, red hair cascading over her shoulder, a pink and grey jumper tucked into a grey skirt, and over-the-knee white socks that made her legs look so long that James actually gulped.

He loved how reflective she looked as she admired the Scottish countryside whirl by. She had a notebook in her hand and James could make out some scribbles about the meeting they were about to lead. Schedules, house rules and house points, and a giant circle round what looked to be 'Ball?'

"G'afternoon, Evans,"

"Morning sleepy head," she turned to him. Her green eyes were so bright that he thought if he were standing, he would have gone weak in the knees. "I stopped your friends from prodding you with a stick by the way, you're welcome."

"Ah, yes. Thank you. I'm sure it wouldn't have been a gentle prodding either." She giggled. A real giggle. James didn't even know people actually did that.

"Sirius thought you were dead,"

James groaned. "Not the first time. After a particularly long day last year, I slept for fifteen hours. That resulted in me waking up to Sirius trying to levitate me to the hospital wing for Madame Bones to declare me dead." Another giggle. More weakness in James's knees.

"Well, I am personally glad you are alive. I really need you for this meeting." Lily's bashful tone was not uncommon to James. She was always second guessing herself, getting in her own way, not realising how talented and absolutely brilliant she was. "The prefects respect you a lot more, so I'm hoping you're okay with talking about schedules?" James nodded. He happily listened to her explain everything she wanted to go over with the rest of the group. She was nervous, he thought it was cute. Seeing how easy it was for them to handle tasks together as Head Boy and Girl made the pressure melt right off of his shoulders.

Despite all that was going on in his life, he was really hoping Lily Evans could be the one consistency he could rely on.

* * *

Lily Evans flopped onto her new four-poster bed in her new room that she had all to herself in the shared Head Boy and Girl section. Her legs were sore, she was pretty sure she smelled from all the nervous sweating, and her stomach felt weird ever since seeing James Potter sleeping in that compartment.

The meeting with the prefects had gone exceptionally well. James handled all the teasing Hogwarts' resident bad boy turned Head Boy with grace and joked back with his fellow classmates. They covered all of the schedules, monthly meetings were to be at the beginning of every month, and discussed all of the new security changes happening at Hogwarts. After it all, James offered her a chocolate frog before they went their separate ways to visit their friends.

She found the 'new' James to be refreshing. After what happened last year, she was afraid he would turn back to an arrogant ass, or that things would be incredibly awkward. However, everything was incredibly pleasant. Lily knew his mother was gravely ill, and she had a sinking suspicion that had something to do with his new behaviour. All summer she had wanted to owl him a letter, giving her condolences, but could never quite find the words. Every time she began, as soon as she wrote his name she got dizzy. It was as if her body was reliving the last day before summer all over again. She could feel the intensity of the kiss on her lips, his hand in her hair, and could almost smell that signature James Potter musk, a blend of broomstick polish, pine tree, and the faintest hint of vanilla.

Lily rubbed her eyes. The kiss had haunted her all summer. Even thinking of it now, her heart fluttered and her cheeks reddened. Lily wasn't even sure if she had real feelings for him, maybe it was just a _really_ good kiss. All she knew now, was that living in such close quarters probably wasn't going to help her figure it out any better.


	2. The Kiss

_**The last day of school, sixth year, in the courtyard**_

The rest of the school had gone down to the lake to celebrate exams and classes being over, and the summer starting up. It was a beautiful June day, the sun was hot and a slight breeze drifted through the courtyard. Lily Evans sat, soaking up the sun in a yellow sundress, enjoying the quiet she had been searching for all year.

"A beautiful day, isn't it?" Lily jumped at the voice. There stood James Potter, a boy she had spent the whole year trying to figure out, the boy who made her head hurt, her heart jump. His pranks had diminished, his studying increased, and he kept the general talk with Lily friendly all year, but without pursuing any romantic interests, something that was uncommon from the five years beforehand. His grey t-shirt clung to his lean muscles, and he sported his favourite pair of dark washed blue jeans. His hair was messy, as per usual, and his glasses crooked. James joined Lily on the bench, stretched out legs and leaned back.

"Absolutely lovely day," James had sat so close to her their arms brushed against each other. Her instincts told her to move over a bit, but something about being so close felt right to her.

"Got any plans for the summer, Evans?" He sat up this time, looking her in the eyes. She noticed now, from how little distance was between them, that his hazel eyes were ringed with red, and they were puffy underneath, as if he had been crying.

Hesitantly she replied, "My sister's wedding, and maybe a trip to the lake house, but other than that not really. Just planning to spend it relaxing and preparing for next year." She wanted to ask him if he had been crying, if he was okay, if there was anything she could do to help. "What about you, James? Any big plans? I heard Black is trekking to Europe, are you joining him?"

James broke the eye contact to look down at his hands. Lily noticed he twiddled his thumbs when he was nervous. Something about his demeanour in this moment made her realize something really was wrong. The usually confident boy she had known, who stood tall and carried his pride with every step, was in front of her, slumped over, pale, and obviously had been crying. "James, are you-"

"Can I tell you a secret?" His voice cracked a little. Lily nodded. "My mom is sick Lily. We found out around September that something could be wrong. But she stuck it out. Dad took care of her at home, and I wrote almost every day to check up on her. I thought, somehow, if i got my act together this year, if I was just the boy she had wanted me to be, you know, committed to my studies and kept my nose clean, she would miraculously get better. Well, apparently good grades can't fix what she has." He looked the girl that had always been 'the one' right in her beautiful green eyes. A small tear escaped as he blinked. "She got so much worse Lily. She's so sick. This whole summer she's going to be in the hospital. My dad sent me an owl today, suggesting I come straight home instead of heading to Moony's place like we usually do at the beginning of summer. I haven't even told the boys yet."

Lily couldn't believe it. He was so vulnerable. She had never seen him like this, especially not directly to, or in front of her. "James, I'm so sorry. That breaks my heart." Without even a second thought, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close. She didn't know what else to do, except be there for him.

James Potter's hands were around her waist, and his face buried into her neck.

They spent the next hour or so just talking, James telling her how much he loved his mom, and Lily trying to cheer him up by telling him all the awful stories of her sisters new fiancee. After awhile, they fell into this comfortable silence, and when Lily looked over, she found those hazel eyes staring at her so intensely. He was so close she could see the gold flecks around his pupil. They didn't have to say anything. Lily knew before he leaned in that they were going to kiss. Something about them sharing these intimate stories out in the sun, just the two of them felt right. It felt _so_ right.

At first, James seemed almost hesitant, but as soon as he knew she wasn't going to pull away, he ran his hand through her thick red hair. Merlin, he had wanted to do that for so long.

And then, the kiss. There was so much passion in one moment that Lily felt faint. She had had boyfriends and kissed guys before, but nothing compared to this. Nothing could compare to this moment of pure intimacy. Every time his hand gripped her hair, or ran up and down her waist, little electric volts shocked her system.

Once they broke away, they were breathless. She almost could have laughed at the disbelief and shock in James Potter's eyes.

"Lily, I, I'm sor-"

She held one slim finger to his lips. "Do not apologize James Potter." And as she went to say more, to tell him that was the best thing to have ever happened to her, three voices cheered from across the clearing.

"Oh, Proooooongs,"

"C'mon mate! Let's go celebrate! You need to let loose!"

"Where the hell have you been, man?"

James dropped his head. "Now I really am sorry. I have to go tell them." He kissed the top of her forehead. No one had ever done that before. She decided she loved it. "Enjoy the wedding, Lils. Owl me if anything disastrous happens." He stood up, and there was a moment where Lily thought he might stay and kiss her some more. He opened up his mouth to say something and reluctantly Lily smiled softly as if to reassure it was going to be okay.


	3. The Lunch

It was so early that Lily swore her eyes weren't shut for more than a minute. The sunrise crept through her open window, the sun shining on her incredibly messy room. They had been back at Hogwarts for just over a week and Lily was exhausted from running around her first week as Head Girl.

This particular Sunday, she was hoping to sleep in, catch a late breakfast, and study by the lake, and finally getting around to finishing her unpacking. Alas, she was woken up, way too early, to the sounds of grunting and something banging out in the common area. Angrily throwing her robe on, Lily whipped open the door and stomped downstairs, ready to yell at whom or whatever was making the noise.

What she found however, took her slightly aback. A shirtless James Potter was in the common room working out. He had nothing but trainers and a pair of shorts on and was currently doing jumping jacks, right in the middle of the living room. All of the furniture was pushed back, and his broom and other quidditch supplies were strewn across the floor. She went to open her mouth, to protest the noise, when he beat her to it.

"Lily! I'm so sorry, did I wake you? I guess I just got a little carried away." He looked way too happy for how much lack of sunlight was outside. She then noticed how his smile grew at the sight of her. Not being able to imagine how ridiculous she looked with her hair all furry, her favourite bright pink flannel nightie and her comfy robe thrown over top. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She had been so angry at all the noise she didn't even bother to see what she had looked like. "I can go if you want, I wanted to be out early on the pitch anyway."

Oh, Merlin. Lily totally blanked that it was the first day of tryouts, and James's last year as captain. He had been so excited all week, it's all he seemed to talk about. Any time she passed him in the halls he was always talking about plays, the other House's teams, and new recruits.

"No," she replied, her voice hoarse from still waking up. "I forgot today was the first day of quidditch. Of course you can still use the room. I'll just go and get an early breakfast."

"I feel bad, Evans, I'm sorry, again." And he did look sorry, Lily could tell from his eyes. His incessant apologizing was the one trait she could live without from her fellow Head Boy. These days it seemed he never wanted to be in the wrong with anyone. A Slytherin had even tried to provoke him in the halls and James passed it off with a smile and not even reaching for his wand to cast a jinx. Somewhere in Lily's mind she hoped it had something to do with his mom, maybe she was getting better and that's why his mood had improved. Even further back in her mind, she hoped it wasn't a girl making him this happy. She had seen him talk to the Ravenclaw prefect Lisa the other day on the way out of the meeting, and they stuck together all the way to the Great Hall, just chatting excitedly. Lily was embarrassed by her jealousy and had decided to take her supper from the kitchens and eat in her room so she didn't have to see them together.

Just the other night, Lily awoke in a sweat. She had been dreaming about the kiss from last summer, but instead of James running off to his friends, he stayed, and suggested that Lily just come with him instead, and they spent the whole night together. In her dream, they lay side by side, James tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her more gently than anyone ever had. When she did wake up, Lily was flushed from head to toe. Now she was imagining herself in bed with James Potter? What had happened to her?

"Hey, Lily, practice will be done around lunch today. Do you wanna sneak some up here from the kitchens with me? It's weird doing all these responsibilities with you, but I haven't even asked how your summer was." James gave her a small smile, hopefulness filling up his hazel eyes. It's true that they hadn't really talked much since the train ride in. Casual greetings if they ever passed each other in the common room but Lily didn't even want to admit to herself that she was avoiding her beautiful new, larger room just to avoid talking to him too. Her stomach sank when she thought about how she never extended herself out to him in the summer. Never writing to say her sisters wedding was a hilariously tragic event, or that she wanted to come and visit him, to comfort him in his time of need. She never wrote to say that there wasn't a day she didn't think about him, and that damned kiss. Or that at her lake house, he was the only person she wanted to be with laying out in the sun, reading books, and then splashing around in the water to cool off.

Lily had even been asked out by a cute muggle boy who worked at the ice cream stand. She almost even said yes, but when she looked closer his eyes were too brown, they didn't have the golden flecks. Or his hair was blonde and neat, not the dark and messy kind she had day dreamed about running her fingers through. He was attractive sure, but there was none of James Potter's boyish charm, or goofy grin, or crooked glasses.

Lily avoided the Head dorms because she didn't know how to sit across from James Potter and not tell him she was totally, girlishly obsessed with him, and didn't know how to sit there and not immediately pin him to the ground and start making out with him. But now here she was faced with the boy she had quite literally been dreaming about, standing in front of her, shirtless, asking her for a private lunch in their own dorm. And all she managed to spit out was a toothy grin, complimented with blushed cheeks, and a simple, "That sounds great."

Satisfied with that, James gave her his signature smirk, threw a shirt on, grabbed his broom and ran out. "Later, Evans!"

* * *

Looking around him, James was hoping he hadn't gone overboard. He laid out their lunch picnic style with a small blanket on the floor with some pillows, and he had the house elves run up some plates of food and small vase for the flowers he picked. He was afraid he was giving the impression of a date, he didn't want to scare her off after all, but still wanted it to be more than just Head boy and Head Girl lunch. He really needed to talk to Lily.

To say James Potter had a rough summer was an understatement. If he wasn't at his mom's bedside, he was looking after the house at Godric's Hollow, and the occasional weekend he went for a drink down at the pub. There was one particularly hot summer night, where he had spent the whole day witnessing his mom's condition worsen, and then come home to find his dad passed out on the couch. He hadn't heard from Lily since 'The Kiss', and he thought he had made things worse, but at the same time couldn't stop thinking about her. He maybe drank his feelings a little too much at the bar that night, and the bartender was cute and definitely a little overly friendly, and there was a brief moment where James thought that maybe that's what he needed, a quick drunk hookup to make him feel better, but just as he went ot make his move on the bartender, he threw up profusely all over the bar and immediately got kicked out. On the walk home, the mixture of the humid air and the absurd amount of alcohol in his system, James had to stop and sit beneath a lamppost. His mind was full of thoughts of his mom, of Lily, of how to take care of his dad when the inevitable happens, and all of sudden, James Potter began to cry. He wanted his mom there to give him the world's best chicken noodle soup. He wanted his dad there to pick him up and take him out on their brooms to clear their minds. He wanted Lily there to give him another hug, to have her slender arms wrapped so tightly around his neck. He wanted to bury his face into her fiery auburn hair that smelled like oranges, and he most definitely wanted to kiss her again. Multiple times, over and over again.

That's why he wanted, no, needed to have lunch with her. James couldn't stand the thought of her being a hundred feet away from him every night, and her not having any of idea how he really felt. He also couldn't stand her being so close and not getting to kiss her every day.

"Is this all for little 'ol me?" James hadn't realized he had been sitting for so long. Lily stood at the entrance to their dorm, her books in her arms, and that same goofy, toothy smile he loved so much. They were both actually dressed this time, and instead of her flannel pjs Lily was sporting some jeans and a flowy top.

James jumped up to grab her books. "I thought it would just be nice to catch up." He had wanted to talk to her about her summer, and the kiss, and how her classes were going. He'd been so busy balancing his friends, quidditch, and his own classes and Head duties that he spent most nights at the library and crawled into bed very late, and then woke up early to hit the pitch with Sirius.

"Well, thank you. This is more than I expected!" She crossed her legs on the blanket. She noticed the vase almost immediately. "Oh, Merlin! Daisies! I love daisies!" Now it was James's turn to blush.

"In potions last year, they were one of the smells you picked out in the love potion. I just remembered you liked them."

In that moment, Lily's face went through a range of emotions. It started with happiness, then to shock, and then to what looked like remorse to James. He was afraid that maybe he was coming on too strong, maybe she had gotten a boyfriend that he didn't know about, maybe she didn't feel the same way about the kiss. "James, this is so lovely. I don't deserve this. I should have written you in the summer, I'm sorry." She twirled a daisy in her fingers. "In all honesty, I didn't know what to write. I didn't know how to tell you how sorry I was, but also to tell you-"

"That you couldn't stop thinking about the kiss?" She looked up at him. "Me either, Lils." He got her to put down the daisy and he took her hands in his.

Her voice was quiet as she looked into his hazel eyes. "What did it mean, James?"

"C'mon Evans, I've had a crush on you since first year. Was this really a surprise?"

"Well, it seemed like you became disinterested last year. And didn't you date that Hufflepuff girl?" Lily went to move her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, but James held on tight.

"Look, Lily, last year, as you know, I was just trying to keep my nose clean, do good work, and get home to see my mum with nothing but good news. And with you, well, I don't know, it just seemed that maybe I didn't have a chance. When we came back in sixth year you were still seeing Rodgers, and Susie was just a fling. She was a nice girl, but rather boring." He let go of Lily's hands to take his glasses off and rub between his eyes, a new stress habit he had picked up. When he got his glasses back on, he tucked Lily's hair behind her ear (eerily similar to the dream Lily had of the two of them), and looked her dead in the eyes as he said, "I just couldn't contain myself as we sat in that courtyard. The sun was out, you looked so unbelievably beautiful, I was so emotional and you made me feel so much better, that there was nothing else I wanted to do but kiss you. All this build-up and I finally had the perfect moment."

Lily Evans couldn't believe this was happening to her. This handsome boy sitting in front of her, his hand still cupping her face, telling her he has been having all of the same feelings she has.

"James, I know exactly what you mean. And again, I'm so sorry for not writing. I should have just sucked it up and done it, should have told you how I felt."

"Lily Evans, you never have to apologize to me." James leaned in closer. "You are everything I could ever need."

Then he kissed her.


	4. The First Time

The next few weeks were spent ducking into broom closets for make-out sessions in between classes, making eyes at each other in class, at breakfast, and during meetings. They often switched shifts with other prefects for late night patrol so they could hold hands and talk without being bothered.

James and Lily had decided to keep this new thing secret so that they didn't have to bother with labels or their friends making fun of them every chance they got. They enjoyed the secrecy. If they both had the time at the end of the day, they cuddled in their private head dorm in front of the fire, usually starting out doing their homework and often finished with one of them on top of the other on the couch.

It was James, however, insisted that they take it slow in what he called "The Cozy Times" section. Lily was still a virgin, and James had only done it with two of his short-term girlfriends. He didn't exactly regret the times with them, but he did want it to be different with Lily. He wanted it to be special, to mean something.

Lily, on the other hand, had been waiting for someone who made her feel as good as James for a long time. Sure, she had thought about it with her other boyfriends, but the moments never felt right. Every single moment with James felt right. There were so many times in their common room, or when they fell asleep in each other's bed where she thought it might happen, but she knew James wanted it to mean the world to her. To both of them. Apparently, he took the matter very seriously. She was getting seriously fed up though, the fire between them was literally causing her insides to freak out. Her body was on such high alert that any time they even casually brushed fingers, she wanted to scream at him to rip her clothes off that very instant, even if they were in the Great Hall having breakfast, surrounded by their friends.

They had a close call after a prefects meeting, where James had grabbed Lily by the back pocket and pulled her against him. He leaned against the table, Lily's arms draped over his shoulders and snuggled in between his legs, their chests together.

"I think that meeting went rather well," James said softly against her lips. "You looked _really_ pretty when you yelled at the fourth year Hufflepuff for fooling around."

"Merlin, he's annoying, I don't know how he got made a prefect." Lily felt comfortable like this. She liked being in his arms, his hands tracing circles on her back, something they had come up with as their own little way of communicating without having to actually talk. She liked being able to spend as long as she wanted staring at the gold flecks in his eyes, and running her hands through his hair.

"We could do a bit of our own fooling around if you wanted," James started to kiss down her neck, a spot that lit up her whole body.

"Really? You wanna fool around in the prefects classroom?" Lily pulled away, a combination of disbelief and mischief in her eyes. James shrugged.

Just as he went to lift off his shirt, a jiggle of the door knob sent the two flying apart as if lightning had struck them. Quickly, Lily fixed her hair and tried to think of accidentally walking in on her grandma in the bath to get the redness out of her cheeks.

The door creaked open and Remus appeared. "Merlin, Moony! What the fuck mate? You scared us."

Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Scared you of what? The big bad wolf?" James laughed nervously and Lily was still trying not to appear flushed. (Remus laughed internally at his own sly pun.) "What are you guys still doing here anyway? It's a Saturday night, don't you have better things to be doing?"

"Uhm, yeah," Lily managed to stutter out. "We were just discussing that fourth year prefect who was fooling around, figuring out how to deal with that, uh, fooling around." _Not a total lie,_ Lily thought to herself. James barked out a laugh and tried to quickly stifle it with a cough.

Remus's eyebrow raised even higher. "Henry Robertson? He's fourteen, he's just messing around. Can't believe James Potter is seriously considering trying to fix a kids behaviour." He entered the room a little bit more, and Lily noticed her skirt was askew and a little raised from James being a little too friendly with his hands. She leaned against the wall, trying not to draw attention while also trying to pull it down. "Just forgot my quill and parchment, I'll be out of your hair."

Lily took a deep breath, and widened her eyes at James. Despite almost being caught, James had a bemused look to his face. She could've smacked him.

"Later you two," Remus said as he walked out the door. "Seriously, get something else to do on a Saturday than worry about some fourth year."

As the door closed behind him, the two collectively let out the breath they seemed to be holding in waiting for Remus to call them out. "That was too close," Lily murmured.

James pulled her by the waist and kissed her forehead. "He's right though, it's Saturday. Let's do something." Lily looked up with a hopeful smile. "House elves sneaking up kitchen food date in front of the fire?"

"That sounds wonderful," Lily gave him a peck on the cheek and grabbed her satchel before taking James's hand and leading him out of the classroom, checking both ways for potential spectators before leaving of course.

* * *

James found that doing patrol with Lily ended up being more fun than seeming like work. Any time they found a couple macking in a dark corner of the castle, they quickly became spots for James and Lily to do their own rule breaking during patrol. His favourite was the astronomy tower after class got out, it was quiet, and there were slim chances of being found. The stars always looked so beautiful, but he especially liked to watch Lily as she studied the stars. No matter how many nights they snuck up to the tower, she was always in awe by the stars.

"How come you have never taken astronomy then, if you love the stars so much?" James asked, popping a grape in his mouth.

Lily shrugged, "I've always loved the stars and when I heard there was an astronomy class, I was excited, but I don't want to associate work with them. I'm stressed out as it is, it's nice to just be able to come up here and admire them."

"You're something else, Evans." He brushed his hand through her hair gently as she laid down, watching as her eyes scanned the night sky.

She turned to him. "You really think so, Potter?"

She was obviously teasing him, but James couldn't help himself."Yeah, I really think so." He leaned down and kissed her under the stars, and could feel everything falling into place.

* * *

This particular Saturday, it was raining at Hogwarts. Lily sat in her Head Dorm with her best friend, Marlene, studying for their upcoming potions quiz. Out her window she could see James and his friends flying out in the rain on the pitch, yelling and messing around. She didn't know how James could hardly study and still get such good grades. Not that Lily didn't get good grades either, she just preferred to feel like she had earned the mark by working for it. James could review his notes before a test, go in and finish before anyone else and get one of the highest grades in the class.

"Lils, how do I know which direction to stir? I can never remember if its clock-wise or counter clock-wise?" Marlene sat crossed legged on Lily's floor with all her books and notes spread out in front of her. Lily had heard her friends question, but was too caught up in day dreaming about cuddling (and more) with her, boyfriend? Good friend? Friend that she made out with constantly? Honestly, she didn't know what to call him, but all she knew is that there was nothing more that she wanted to do than be with him always. Her head was consumed with thoughts of this crooked glasses wearing, messy haired, boyishly handsome Head Boy. Having him in such close quarters was somehow so amazing and dangerous all at the same time. They often slept in when they stayed the night together, not wanting to get out of the warm bed, almost missing class sometimes. She often found herself not studying and staring at him instead.

"Merlin, Lily, I know Potter is cute, but this potions test is going to be the end of me!" That caught her attention. Lily whipped her head around to face her friend. Marlene was one of those people that was so traditionally beautiful. She had long, silky brown hair, brown eyes that were full of warmth, and her tall, lean frame was often what Lily's small frame found herself envying. Marlene was in jeans and oversized t-shirt, and even with no makeup on, her tan skin was flawless.

"What, I wasn't thinking about James" Lily found herself stuttering and blood rising to her cheeks.

"C'mon, Lily," Marlene joined her best friend on her bed. "I'm your best friend. I've seen you in a relationship before, but you have never been happier. We've been in school for a month and you have not stopped smiling since. You don't think I see how you guys look at each other? You're basically joined at the hip, and anytime I want to hang out with you, it's only when Potter is out doing something. I know you guys switch patrol shifts to hang out. You can't hide anything from me," Marlene smiled at Lily. "At first, I was just happy to see you guys getting along so well. But, now I can tell, its maybe a bit more?"

Lily sighed and slumped back on to her bed, covering her face with her hands. "Merlin, you could be a detective."

"A what?"Marlene asked.

"It's kind of like the muggle version of an Auror, they solve crimes and mysteries."

"So that _means,_ " Marlene leaned forward, locking eyes with her best friend.

"It started last year, on the last day of school." Marlene shrieked and smacked her on the arm.

"You mean to tell me that you and James have been canoodling for months, and you never told me?"

"It was just a kiss, and we didn't even keep in touch over the summer. But apparently, neither of us could stop thinking about it. So here we are." Lily smiled. It felt so good to tell someone else about her new obsession with James Potter.

"Are you dating then?"

"Well, we've been keeping it a secret." Lily sat up and twiddled her thumbs. "All we've done is make-out and some other things, but not _the_ big one. I don't know what we are. It feels like dating"

Marlene squealed again. "You want to have sex with him, don't you?"

"Ugh, Mar, you have no idea." The two friends laughed. Marlene hugged her. They both knew this was a big deal for Lily, she had never felt comfortable enough in herself to even explore wanting to go that far with someone. Lily had a hard time trusting people, especially with her own feelings and vulnerability.

"Alright, Lils, here's what you're going to do."

* * *

James was exhausted. He had been working his quidditch team hard, trying to owl his parents every day, and was staying up way too late with a certain red head. He loved the nights where she knocked on his door, and climbed into bed with him. Waking up to her messy hair, drool on his pillow, and her arm around his stomach almost felt like he was still dreaming. Their Head dorm was their own little sanctuary. Just the two of them, where they could be themselves.

His whole body was soaking wet and cold from being outside all day with his friends. Once a week the four of them tried to get together just to mess around and have fun. Today they played a mini game of quidditch on the pitch, and James realized that he almost missed spending every second with them, and staying up late in their dorm raising hell. They constantly gave him trouble for taking his Head Boy responsibilities so seriously, but he also knew that they were proud of him in a way. After Remus almost caught him and Lily in the prefects room, he was afraid that he had said something to the other Marauders, but they hadn't said anything yet. Only Peter had mentioned he was glad to see James so happy, even though they knew his mother wasn't getting any better.

James muttered the password to the painting to get in, and was so happy Lily had turned the fire place on. He threw his quidditch gear down and flopped down on the couch. Looking around for Lily, he wondered where she was. He knew Marlene was coming over to study, but he didn't know what else Lily had planned for the day. Groaning as he stood up, he slowly made his way to his room to take a hot shower, and probably pass out without eating supper. James opened his door, and did not expect to find what he saw.

Lily sat on his bed, which he had noticed that she changed his sheets to silk, there were candles all over the room, some even floating above them, and she was barely covered up in a light blue baby doll lingerie set.

"Well, hello there, handsome," Lily giggled. Merlin, he loved that giggle. "Aren't you going to come join me?" Suddenly, James didn't feel cold and drained, his whole body was awake and on fire. He gulped, and felt a certain area in his pants tighten. He slowly made is way over to the bed.

"So, this is what you've been up to as I've been gone all day." He gently fingered the bottom of her lacy dress.

"Oh, this old thing?" Lily flirted, "I just threw this on." James looked at her. Her normally bright green eyes were dark and filled with lust. Her small hands started to play with the hem of his jumper, and pull it up. James complied with the motion, letting her take it right off.

"Lily, I –"

"I know, James. You wanted to take it slow, for me. But I'm done taking it slow." Her hands were warm against his cold torso. He closed his eyes and sucked in as her fingers hooked into the top of his pants. "I'm ready. For you, James Potter,"

The kiss he gave her in that moment was harder than any kiss he had ever given. He looped his arms around her back and lay her down on his new silk sheets. "I like what you've done with the place," Another giggle. He kissed her again, starting with her lips, then moving to her neck, her collar bone, right under her ear, and then right between her breasts. She looked so beautiful, laying there under him, her chest heaving up and down in her see-thru underwear, her eyes filled with want, and her teeth biting her bottom lip.

"Lily, you look so gorgeous, so beautiful," He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Are you sure, you want this? You're ready?"

"James, I swear on my grave if you don't get going, I will start-" That was enough for him. Quickly they shed their clothes and James just took in the sight of her. They had been naked together before, after their little hook-ups got too heated, but something about the way her pale skin looked in the glow of the candles, and how she looked at him, was something he would never forget.

They started out slow, James kissing all over her body, pleasuring her in her favourite spots until she was close to the edge, but then he couldn't take it anymore. He slowly kissed her lips, and held on to her as he entered her. Both almost seemed to stop breathing, James not moving yet inside her. He wanted to remember the first time. Her eyes squeezed shut. "Are you okay, Lily?" the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

"I'm good. It's good. Please, just," Her breathing increased and she opened her eyes. "Please, just start moving. Faster." And that was all it took. James was almost out of control. Every sensation in his body was on high alert and Lily was digging her nails into his back, and running them through his hair, it was driving him nuts. He tried to hold on as long as possible, but soon his movements became faster, a more sporadic rhythm, and then it was over. It was Lily, grabbing his hair, moaning, and James shouting out her name. "Fuck, Lily!" and it was done. He fell on top of her, both breathing heavily.

He rolled off and rubbed his forehead. James looked over at Lily. She was covered in sweat, and smiling. She looked back at him. "You were worth the wait, James Potter."

* * *

Authors Note: AH! I have never written smut before so I know its not great, gimme a break. Here's a lil chapter. I know nothing dramatic or super interesting has happened yet, but Im working on it! This being my first published story, I don't even know what to expect from myself. Hope you enjoyed!


	5. The Full Moon

The next morning, James looked over to a sleeping, naked angel named Lily Evans. He grinned. He still couldn't believe last night happened. Was it real? He wasn't dreaming, was he? Because that definitely felt like a dream. As she slept, James took the time to memorise her face. Lily had small little freckles painted over her nose and under eyes. When she slept, her lips parted a little bit. Her face had soft features, a small nose, round cheeks, and a smooth jaw. James leaned over and kissed her forehead before quietly crawling out of bed.

His room was much larger than his last one he shared with the boys. His four-poster bed was in the middle along the far wall, a great big chandelier hung above, and he had his own desk, plus a soft brown leather armchair to sit in (but he mostly used it to store his quidditch uniform and gear). There was a large chest for his clothes, and his favourite part was his private bathroom. The shower had stone walls and took up most of the space. It was James's favourite shower. The temperature and pressure always seemed to be just right for whatever he needed. James leaned over and turned the tap on and climbed in. He let the hot water pour right over his face and onto his body. Man, was he sore. Between quidditch and the fantastic sex yesterday, his legs and abs ached. To make matters worse, it was the first full moon since they got back, and James would have to go to the Shrieking Shack to help with Remus.

James actually loved the nights where he could take his stag form and run through the woods with his friends. However, now he had the matter of dealing with Lily. There was no way he could tell her yet. It was the one secret he hadn't told her. Their whole lives had been laid out in the past month, they shared everything. The weight of this secret got heavier every time Lily put her head on his shoulder and said, "I've never trusted anyone like you before, James." She seemed to do it every time they had one of their talks, whether it be in front of the fire, out on patrol, or their middle of the night bonding sessions. Never before had James cried in front of his friends, but somewhere in the middle of their time together, he got an owl saying his mom wasn't doing so good and James broke down. Lily, of course, was great and took care of him all day, which was exactly what he needed.

Speaking of Lily, James looked over to see the steamed up shower door open. She stood, with a towel wrapped around her, sleep still clinging to her eyes. Her hair was wrapped on top of her hair, and she gave him a small smile. "May I join?"

"Nothing would please me more, my lady." James laughed as she shuddered as she dropped the towel and climbed in. He held her close, one arm around the small of her back, and kissed the tip of her nose. "G'morning, sorry if I waked you."

"No, it's okay, I should've been up earlier anyway." She yawned, and leaned into James's chest. The water poured over her back, relaxing her into him. For a minute or so, they just stood there, James slowly swaying them back and forth. After a while, they got out and wrapped up in towels. "What are you doing today?" She asked him. James couldn't hold eye contact. He didn't want to lie to her. He didn't like the pit in his stomach, he didn't like his loyalties being pulled apart.

"I think I'm going to hang out with the boys again. Moony has some stuff going on, so we might be late. Better to not wait up for me tonight." He looked over to see Lily raising one eyebrow.

"Is Remus okay? I know he requested to not be on patrol this week, is there anything I can do?"

"No!" James spurted. Now both of her eyebrows shot up. "Sorry, he's just a private guy. You know him, always keeping to himself."

"Hmm, alright. I think I'll maybe be in the library today then." She raised on to her tiptoes, and softly kissed his lips. "If you have time during your top-secret mission today, you know where to find me."

James watched as the girl he just spent the most amazing night with walk out. He could see her tidy up his room a little bit, and then he heard the door close and her footsteps taking the stairs over to her room. He put his whole weight against the sink vanity, he felt like throwing up. Lily deserved better than this. He would have to talk to the boys. Finally tell them what's going on up in that Head dorm.

* * *

The library had been quiet all day. There were a few other students studying, but it was rare for Lily to get a whole corner to herself. At one point Marlene came by to study for a bit, and then Alice Longbottom, but both had ended up ditching her for their boyfriends. Lily packed up her bag and picked a piece of lint of her navy shirt. She didn't know if she was ready for her potions quiz tomorrow, she had heard that Slughorn was making it tough, but she didn't feel anxious. Lily had been so deliriously happy lately that she didn't seem to stress as much as she used to. There was almost a spring to her step as she headed up to her dorm. Marlene and Alice had joked that it was her "virginity losing glow" as they so eloquently put it. Maybe they were right though, she was still riding her high from last night.

She knew James said he would be out all night, but part of her hoped he would in front of the fire when she came in. No luck. _Maybe he's up in his room,_ she thought. Gently tapping on the door, she got no response so she slowly opened the door. Not there either. His towel from earlier hung from one of the posts of his bed, and he had made a half attempt to making his bed. Lily smiled, all of last night and that morning playing over in her head. She had decided sometime while studying that she was going to ask what he thought of becoming official. Lily's best friends now knew about the two of them, and she had assumed a while ago that James had told his friends. Those four were so close, she had never figured out what the glue that held them together was. She considered herself close with her friends but nothing seemed to compare to that friendship. They all had little nonsensical nicknames for each other, and even ran around calling themselves The Marauders, as if they were their own little gang. As Lily made her way over to James's bed there was even a photo of them laughing on top of his dresser. Moving photos were definitely one of Lily's favourite things of the magical world. This one showed their arms all wrapped around each other's neck, their smiles and laughs so genuine. They were younger, looking to be about 15. The background was the Hogwarts grounds, the sun seemed to be out. The photo made Lily smile. She wondered what had made them laugh so hard.

After simply just standing in his room, admiring his photos and posters he had hung on the walls, Lily realised she hadn't had supper yet, and that it was slightly creepy to be in his room without him there. She headed out, but still wondered where James was. He never came to visit her in the library, and was so weird about things earlier- she was concerned. Her and James told each other everything, she hoped everything was okay. It wasn't like James to be so closed off around her.

After supper Lily had spent some more time with Marlene and Alice, and decided she needed a full night of sleep so immediately went to bed when she climbed through the portrait. Thoughts of where James could be ran through her mind, but she needed to trust him. She knew everything would be okay. However, after a particular weird dream involving trolls, her sister, and Lily having green hair, she woke up in a startle. She tossed and turned for what felt like forever. It must've been 4 o'clock in the morning, so she assumed James would have been back by now. Maybe he could help her get back to sleep. Lily threw her favourite fluffy robe on and went down her stairs and then back up to James's dorm. She didn't bother knocking, just popped her head in. No James to be found, in fact his room was exactly as it was earlier. Lily took a deep breath. _He'll come back,_ Lily tried to reassure herself, _right?_

* * *

Only a mere hours later, getting out of bed took everything Lily had in her. She simply brushed her hair, added a headband, threw on her uniform, and headed to charms. Usually, James walked with her to class, it felt weird for her to not have him cracking his usual jokes on the walk. Had she really became that dependant on him in, what? A month?

Lily was pretty positive she was late so she had to hurry, and snuck in at the very last minute. The spot where James usually sat, beside Sirius at the back, was empty. So was Sirius's. Her stomach sank. Slowly making her way to the front, she sat beside Alice.

"Lils, you look terrible." Alice said, picking at her dark blue nail polish.

"Always one for the honesty, thanks Alice." Alice simply rolled her eyes. "I just didn't get any sleep, that's all."

"Another night with Potter, hey?" Alice nudged her with her elbw. Lily looked back over to the empty seats, and lowered her head.

"No, just a bad sleep." Alice didn't seem to notice that James and sirius weren't there, or simply didn't care, and took that response as good as enough.

Thirty minutes into the lecture, a very haggard looking James Potter and Sirius Black stumbled into class. If Lily looked bad, these guys looked like they had been died and come back to life. Flitwick made some smart comment about them being late, and they were both so out of it they couldn't even form a response. James looked at Lily, his eyes full of sincere, and Lily noticed, one was ringed with a bruise. "I'm sorry," he mouthed.

And the two spent the rest of the lecture, making short bursts of eye contact, James barely keeping his eyes open, and Lily trying to distract herself with her note taking. When class was over, Sirius and James were the first ones out. Lily got out, she felt a small pull on her arm.

"Hey, love," James leaned against the wall. There was no energy to his normally lit up eyes. "I'm sorry about last night. Can we talk after lunch today?"

Although Lily was concerned, mostly about how James looked to be clinging onto life, she still somehow felt extremely angry. Where was he? What had he done? She knew he owed her an explanation, at this minute though, she was mostly pissed off. "I have a big potions quiz. Maybe after supper." Her words were short and curt, they dug into James like a dagger. He went to talk again, but she turned and caught up with Alice for their next class, leaving James standing alone in the hall.

* * *

The night had not gone well. It had started out okay, James met up with the boys on the grounds, and had started to talk about Lily. Sirius was extremely mad he hadn't known since last summer, Remus claimed to have known all along that something was up, and Peter was mostly extremely giddy about the whole situation. However, as it got dark out, Remus head out to the shrieking shack, and the rest took their animagus forms in the Forbidden Forest.

It was a particularly nasty full moon. Remus was more out of control than normal, and beat up Sirius and James pretty bad. Usually once he calmed down, they could just lock him up, but it was almost as if he didn't want them to leave. It was well into dawn before the boys could carry Remus's body up to the private room Madame Bones had set aside for him, and Sirius and James required some critical attending to as well.

James didn't sleep a wink. Remus had given him the go ahead to explain things to Lily, as long as she promised to keep things quiet, and to not treat him differently. His plan had been to go back to his room and walk to charms together like they always did, but he didn't even leave the hospital wing until class had already started.

Lily all of charms kept looking at him, by pretending to not look at him. She originally seemed upset, but when he tried to talk to her after in the hall, she had come across as more mad. This made him incredibly nervous. What if he had blown things? He knew he should've talked to the boys earlier about telling her. Why did he always leave things last minute? The rest of the day, James was more of a wreck internally than he seemed to be on the outside. He couldn't concentrate in any of his classes, and after barely eating any lunch he could barely walk so headed up to take a nap. He didn't even make it to his bed, he simply crashed on the couch, and got the fire lit to keep him warm.

What felt like a blink of an eye later, he woke up to the sound of the portrait door slamming. A very upset? Angry? Shocked? Lily Evans stood at the door, arms crossed. He couldn't make out what she was feeling. He started to talk when she stomped over, and threw her bookbag and notebook on the ground. "I had no idea where you were! All day!" She stood above him as he sat on the couch. He went to talk again. "No! I am very upset with you James Potter," Then she took a seat beside him, and gingerly touched the bruise under his eye. "For Merlin's sake, James, what happened to you?" Immediately she broke into tears, and James could make out bits of how she trusted him, thought he was dead, or cheating on her. He laughed a little at that one, which cost him a nasty punch to the arm.

"C'mon, Lily," He did his signature move of tucking her hair behind her ear. "It's not like that, it's not you. I've wanted to be with you since first year, I wouldn't throw that away now." Her sobs calmed down a little.

"But, then," He put his finger to her lips.

"Lily, what I'm about to tell you, is very private, sensitive information. If you tell anyone, it would cost a lot of people their livelihoods, do you understand?" She nodded, but still confused.

James started out slow. He described how in third year, they started to notice on how their friend got "sick" about once a month. They started asking questions, following Remus around, when finally Dumbledore had a meeting with the four boys. After figuring out about their friends condition, they decided they would do anything to help him. At first, it was just visits in the hospital, a lot of chocolate frogs, but it wasn't enough. They knew that Dumbledore had made the Shrieking Shack for Remus, and created the tunnel under the Whomping Willow, so he could change in a safe location, but they also knew that this made him feel isolated and alone. This is where the explaining got hard for James. He couldn't maintain eye contact with Lily anymore. She took rules so seriously, believed they were what held the magical world together.

"Around March, of fourth year, we had successfully learned how to become animagus." Lily gasped, and clutched the arm of the couch. "Before you say anything, I know it's illegal, and stupid, and dangerous. It hurt so bad the first time we did it. But we did it to help Remus." James took a deep breath, and held Lily's hand. "Peter takes the form of a rat. Him being small helps us freeze the Whomping Willow. Sirius is a dog, and I'm a stag. Our bigger forms help keep remus under control, and busy. Some nights, it's more like playing. However, there are nights like last night where he's really angry, and we take quite the beating."

Lily was crying again. She tried to comprehend it all. The rest of the night they stayed up, James answered her questions, told her it was his duty to his friend, and that if she didn't support it, he would understand.

"We've had a great run. But this is some serious stuff, so if you need some time, I get it." James looked down at his hands. No girl would want to be with a liar, or some guy who broke the law.

"James, all that I've gotten out of this, is that you are quite literally the worlds greatest friend." She kissed his temple softly. "It'll take some getting used to, but I think we're going to be just fine."

* * *

Author's Note: Hey what's up! Thanks for the few of you that left such nice reviews! You guys rock! Thank you for reading! Things are moving fast for our couple! I know, I know, this isn't my greatest chapter, I've been in a bit of a writing funk these past few days.

This story has mostly been therapeutic for me, so I know the quality of writing isn't great, but i took a lot of time off from writing so this has just been a lot of fun for me. I love writing about these characters. Let me know what you think! xx


	6. The Letter

A/N: First things first, thank you to Pottergirl36 for pointing out my blurb of making Alice's last name Longbottom *facepalm* I'll fix that from here on out! Also thank you to her and WannaGoMate for alway leaving such nice reviews, you rock :)

* * *

In what seemed like no time at all, October had come and was almost over for the students of Hogwarts. Lily and James sat in front of the fire, trying to finish planning the Hallow's Eve activities for the next day. Lily sat on the floor, her favourite yellow notebook in hand with James on the couch above her, his hands running through her hair as he looked over the multiple sheets of parchment Lily had used to plan.

"Honestly, Lils, I think everything is going to be great." She leaned her head back against the couch and looked up at him. He had a small scratch on his cheek, another injury from the full moon only a couple of nights ago. After their talk, all of the past seemed to make more sense to Lily. The nicknames they had, why Remus always seemed to be sick, how they always looked as if they had been fighting, and Lily didn't seem to mind as much as James thought she would. If anything, she helped as much as she could. She always had bandages and supplies beside James's bed if he ever needed tending to, or kept watch for them inside the castle, and was keeping James and Remus's patrolling schedules free the week of the full moon. Things were different, but she appreciated the honesty more than anything.

"I know, I'm just nervous because it's my first time doing an event for the school, all by myself." She stood and sat beside him on the couch, leaning her back against his chest, their legs resting on the cushions.

"Hey," James said pointedly, "I helped too!"

"James you picked out the food, and then kept your costume a secret from me. I don't know how much I would call that helping." The two continued to playfully bicker until somehow Lily ended up straddling James on the couch, their faces close together, and time seemed to slow down. She leaned in, ferociousness and fire in her kiss. The playful banter was one thing that always seemed to turn her on, she loved that their wits were matched. James reciprocated happily, his tongue fiercely trying to enter her mouth. The two wrestled inside each others mouths until Lily had declared herself winning when she bit down on his bottom lip, a moan escaping from James's mouth. Suddenly, a whole new side of control took over. He flipped them over so Lily was looking up at him, a teasing look to her eyes. As revenge, he locked his lips to a certain sensitive spot on her neck, right above her vein. He playfully licked and sucked until she pushed him away and breathlessly said, "No hickeys, Potter. I have a dance to attend tomorrow, remember?"

James growled in frustration and picked Lily up, one of her arms wrapped around his neck, and his other arm under her legs. He carried her all the way up to his room (which had more so had become _theirs_ , with all the time they spent sleeping and other wise). He gently tossed her on the bed and lifted her yellow jumper right off. Underneath, a white lace bra hugged her small, but perky breasts. Immediately, he kissed down her chest, lickng softly at each nipple. A small gasp escaped Lily's mouth every time he changed breast. Her fingers clutched the sheets. Lily whispered a soft, "James, please,"

He grinned. If she wanted to be a tease, she was going to have to learn how to be teased back. "Please, what?"

"Merlin, please fuck me already." She tried to give him a stern eye, but was too distracted by the soft kisses he was trailing across her stomach. He stopped right at the hem of her skirt, biting the skin right above.

"Well, if it's Merlin you want, I guess I should stop and leave." She swatted his arm. Painfully slow, he took off of her navy skirt. "Ah, I see we have some matching underwear on today."

Lily giggled. "You don't think you initiated this, do you? What if this was my plan all along?" Then, on purpose, she gave a slight tug on James's hair, something she knew would increase how wild he was.

The two hadn't been able to keep themselves off of each other in the past month. Any free time they got, the clothes were on the floor and they were well, anywhere they could be. James's bed, Lily's bed once in a while, their favourite couch in the common room, James's shower, Lily's bathtub, and once even on the desk in Lily's room. Most days, James could handle her flirting and teasing in public, keep himself under control. But all day, she had been twirling her long hair around her finger, wore a skirt that was maybe a little too short, James's favourite yellow jumper, and socks that went over her knee, accentuating her petite legs. It was over the top today, and the tugging she was doing on his hair was making him almost animalistic.

He couldn't let her win though. Very carefully, and slowly, he stroked her through her panties, making her wetter every time. Breathlessly Lily let out, "I'm going to kill you James Potter." He leaned up and kissed her.

"Not until I fuck you, you're not." He unclipped her bra, and pinched each of her nipples before running his fingers down and began to take off her matching lace underwear. "Merlin, you're so beautiful. I can't believe you're mine."

In that quick moment, in the midst of all the steam and passion, they shared a look of what James swore was love. There was no other word for it.

That night, James wouldn't have called it sex, or a shag. It was love-making. James was undeniably in love with her, that's all there was to it.

* * *

"Remus! I'm so happy to see you!" Lily extended her arms out to her friend. He was a little pale, but not as in rough of shape as Lily knew he could've been. "Are you coming the dance tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Remus replied with a smile. "James just sent me to check-in."

Lily replied with an eye roll. "I don't know how important these costumes are, but they better be worth me setting up alone, and giving up my own time to get ready." Remus laughed at that.

"I promised not to give away the Marauders costumes, swore on my life. I was actually the most trustworthy to not give it away." Remus leaned into her ear. "But, I wasn't not instructed to tell you that James may or may not be already drunk." Lily gave another eye roll, but also a playful giggle. James when he was drinking was one of her favourite things. Even when they hadn't been together, at the beginning of sixth year Lily had come out to the Gryffindor common room to find a drunk James so excited to see her, as if they were best friends who hadn't seen each other since childhood.

"Well, give him a smack on the chest and a kiss for me," Lily winked. Now it was Remus's turn to roll his eyes. "I'll be expecting a dance later, Lupin!"

She watched as he turned around and gave a small wave. Turning back around to her duties at hand, Lily couldn't help but admire the work they (but, mostly she) had put into it. Halloween dances weren't very big at Hogwarts, but Lily had finally worn down Dumbledore to let her throw one, as long as she was in charge of everything. Pumpkins hung from the ceiling, which had been reflected to show lightning and clouds outside. A semi-well known band was warming up on stage, and some of the other prefects were helping string streamers and other seasonal decorations on the wall. Marlene snuck up behind her, wrapping her arms around Lily's waist. "C'mon Lils, everything looks great. Let's go get ready!" Lily let her friend drag her by her hand up to Lily's common room. If the girls ever wanted to get ready or hangout, this had apparently became their space. It was much larger than the shared dorms, half of Lily's stuff wasn't even in it, because most of the time when she came back, she spent it James's room, and the girls especially loved the beautiful white vanity that sat in the corner, which seemed to have the best light.

Once Lily, Marlene, Alice, and their other roommate Mary had all started getting ready, Marlene and her devilish grin pulled a bottle of fire whiskey from her bag.

"Mar!" Lily exclaimed, with her cheeks flushing. The last time she had some of that, was the first night she had ever been drunk. It was just before Christmas break of sixth year, she was skipping around the Gryffindor common room, alone in the early hours of the morning, the last one in there, singing Christmas carols, when James Potter walked through the portrait hole. She had embarrassed herself by draping her whole body over him, telling him what a good guy she thought he was, that she didn't _really_ hate him anymore. He had been polite the whole time, laughed along with her, and even joined in on some light dancing and caroling before sending her up the stairs to the girls dormitory. Since then, she hadn't touched the stuff. She preferred to stick to alcohols that didn't make her a total lunatic.

"Oh, c'mon Lily, now if you throw yourself at James, you'll actually get a good shag out of it." Alice said, grabbing the bottle from Marlene and taking a generous swig. Cautiously, Lily grabbed the bottle from Alice's hands. All three girls watched her expectantly. The cold glass touched her lips, and as she tipped her head back, the alcohol burned through her as it went down. She shook her head after her sip. The girls cheered. Already, Lily was feeling more loose.

Although she was excited for the dance, she was more excited to see James. This would be the first time the two of them would have both been drinking, and with all the excitement of the dance, and cooperating together on something, Lily overall just felt really happy about the whole night. Nothing felt better than being excited about how happy a person could be.

* * *

The dance had been fine. The decorations looked good, the band was great, there was tons of food, and everyone seemed to be having fun, but as soon as James had seen Lily, it was game over for him for the night. She was dressed up as a pirate, but her waist and bust were accentuated, she had heavy eye makeup on, something he had never seen on her, and her pirate style dressed came up on one side, showing off her slim legs in black tights. He tried to discreetly whisper all the things he wanted to do to her right then and there, but Lily slapped his arm and told them they had to stay for at least a little bit, it was technically their party after all.

She immediately started laughing as she saw the four of them come down the hall. They had all spent hours meticulously detailing outfits to look exactly like their professors. James was Dumbledore, dressed in sparkly robes, and somehow had transfigured his hair to be long and white, and give himself a beard. Sirius was McGonagall,with his long hair tied up on top of his head, and swishing around in green robes with a stern look in his eye. Remus came as Binns, the History of Magic professor, dressed in pure brown and talking to everyone in a monotone voice. And Peter pulled off a very convincing Flitwick with his hair slicked over and his voice unbelievably high. Dumbledore thought the costumes were pretty ingenious, but the other three professors didn't seem too impressed. Fortunately for themselves, the Marauders were perhaps a little too drunk to care.

James and Lily hadn't officially told more than their close friends of their special relationship, but the two were finding it very hard to hide as they danced with the alcohol flowing in their systems, and being deliriously happy. His hands found their way farther down than her waist, Lily's hands occasionally slipped inside his Dumbledore robes (the look was oddly working for her), and once they even brushed lips and went in for a kiss but had to remember where they were.

Once James had finally convinced Lily to go back to their dorms, it didn't take very long for things to heat up. He had changed his hair back and got rid of the beard, and his robes were simply hanging off his body. Things were messier than usual, both had had a sip too much, they were constantly laughing and practically tripped the whole way up to James's bed. Once James had gotten her shoes off, Lily giggled. "I really have to use the loo," James groaned. "I'll just be a minute, professor."

That he liked the sound of. Role play definitely suited him. As he rearranged himself on the bed, waiting for Lily to be done, Bertie, his owl, flew threw the window. A letter fell into James Potter's lap.

Lily had spruced herself up a little, letting her hair down and undoing a few more buttons on her dress. When she came out of the bathroom, she was ready to play around, have fun in her drunken stupor. However, she found her favourite boy bent over, head in his hands. A crumpled piece of parchment sat beside him on the bed. Lily walked over slowly, and sat beside him, picking up the letter. She unfolded it as quietly as she could, fearing she knew exactly what the words said.

" _Mum is much worse. Best to come and say your goodbyes as soon as you can. Get some time in with her. I'll talk to Dumbledore and get your classes figured out._

 _Pop"_

Lily immediately was on the brink of tears, her hands were shaking and she definitely had sobered up quickly. James was pale. He had been tugging on his hair, and she could hear him crying into his hands. She gave the top of his head a quick kiss before standing up. Opening up the dresser drawers, she packed his street clothes into his trunk, and a couple of his school books so he could study. Just for him, she threw in her yellow jumper that she knew he loved.

"What're you doing, Lily," His voice was hoarse and his eyes were red when she turned around.

"I'm helping you pack." She sat back down beside him and pushed back his hair. "Are you going to leave tonight?"

"I guess I have to." He fell back onto the bed. "I'm going to miss the first quidditch match. I'll be so far behind in classes." Lily laid down beside him, his arm pulling her close into his chest. "I won't have you there."

She reached up and kissed his cheek gently, tasting the salt of his tears that had ran down. "I can visit. We can owl each other letters. It'll be okay need to be there for your mom." James started to cry again. After laying in the silence, James's sniffles and the distant hollers of people from the dance the only things filling the air, he sat back up.

"I guess I should get going." He quickly changed into jeans and a jumper, closed up his trunk, and leaned down to give Lily one more kiss. "I promise I'll write this time."

She went to say more, but he headed for the door. Lily spent the rest of the night tossing and turning as she slept in his bed. She wanted to do more. She wanted to help. She wanted to be with him.

But he was gone.

* * *

A/N: WHOOOO! Another chapter! The next one I want to be a bit better so I'll try to focus on it for longer, spend more time editing. What do you guys think so far?! Please let me know in a review & thank you to everyone reading! xoxo


	7. The Impending Doom

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for not uploading for a while, but I've been focussing on some health issues recently and haven't had the time or motivation to write lately. But here's another chapter! A reviewer said I should slow things down, so we can enjoy the Jily and not rush through. And i agree! So here's a bit more of a serious chapter and a better step towards the Jily blossoming relationship.

* * *

The next couple of months went by at a snail pace for Lily. She wrote James almost every day, and when he could reply, his responses were always short, not ever saying too much. She had talked to the rest of his mates to see if they knew any more than she did, but his responses were even less frequent to them. The two times she had visited, James didn't even seem like himself. His eyes were sunken in, no life left to them. He had promised her he was eating, but every time she hugged him, he felt smaller. It was understandable to Lily, though. His mom was barely responsive, hardly holding on. When she was awake, she could hardly talk. Lily watched one night as James read to her, he held her hand, watched as she fell asleep. James clutched his mother's hand, and cried into her sleeping body.

Lily felt bad about not visiting more often, but she had to do both Head Girl and Head Boy duties, set up all prefect meetings by herself, had to do double the patrols, and had to keep on top of her homework, as well as sending James as many assignments as she could so he wouldn't fall totally behind.

Christmas break was fast approaching and Lily was stretched to the max, and feeling more stressed than she ever had before. Tears were falling onto her charms essay as she watched the snow falling out her window. Her bed was a mess, her clothes strewn across the floor. The houselves cleaned up every two days, but Lily's room was just a reflection of the mess going on inside her head.

She had stopped sleeping in James's bed about two weeks after he left. The sheets no longer smelled like him, and seeing his clothes and his pictures up on the dresser just made her sad. When she relocated back to her own space, the only thing she brought from James's room was his black jumper and she wore it whenever the stress was too much and when all she wanted was for him to pull her close, tuck her hair behind her ear like he always did, and tell her everything was going to be okay. Lily pulled the sleeves down as she looked outside, tears and snot staining the cuffs. It had been an especially emotionally draining week, and all she really wanted was James. It had been almost three weeks since she had last seen him, and she honestly didn't know how much more she could take. She had fantasized about bringing him home for a day or two to meet her family over break, but now she didn't know. There was still no word on the condition of his mum, and Lily definitely didn't want to force him anywhere he didn't feel comfortable.

"Well, hey there Evans," Lily jumped at the voice. A thin, faded James Potter stood in her doorway. She didn't know how to react. His clothes hung loosely, and his eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been crying again- he almost seemed like a ghost of the boy she loved.

Quickly, Lily wiped her eyes, and ran to him, almost knocking him over with the force of her hug. He laughed and picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. Tucking her head into the crook of her shoulder, she whispered, "I missed you so much, James." He walked them over to her bed, collapsing on top of it. For a minute, they just laid there, staring at each other, as if not believing it was real life. Lily reached out her hand, touching his face, just to make sure he really was right in front of her. "Why are you here, James?"

He closed his eyes, a tear falling out. And then more until his body was shaking with his uncontrollable sobbing. "She's gone, Lily. She's really gone."

James had returned to Hogwarts after Holiday break, and he was all the school seemed to gossip about. He was late to every class, constantly short with everyone, especially with professors, and he hadn't even been to a single meal in the Great Hall so no one had seen the boy eat. Lily was always trying to keep the mood light, and stood by his side, clinging to his arm. The rumors around the school were mostly true- Dumbledore had taken away the quidditch team, the majority of his important Head Boy duties, and he had been to detention almost every weekend since being back.

James was living in his own personal Hell. With no mother, his father constantly working trying to not to dwell on the situation, his lack of extracurriculars, and getting so obliterated pretty much every night with Sirius at the Hog's Head, he could hardly function. Lily was always trying to make him feel better. She brought him his favourite soup, forced him to cuddle and drink hot chocolate by the fire on their favourite couch, and did her best to help him with the multiple essays stacking up from class to class with NEWTs around the corner. Even in his emotional wreckage, James could appreciate what she was doing. Lily was being a good girlfriend, sticking by his side even when he no longer had the energy to be the same charming James she had agreed to go out with. But some part of him didn't want all this attention, he just wanted to sulk alone.

February 20th, two months since she had passed away at St. Mungo's. James could no longer be sad. He was angry. Angry at himself, his father, Dumbledore for taking everything away, and even Lily, for just sitting there beside him on his bed humming as she read her Potions text and traced circles on his thigh.

"How do you do it?"

"Hm?" She turned to him, her slight smile turning to a look of confusion. "What do you mean, James?"

"How do you keep smiling? Why do you keep being nice to me?" He stood up, his books clattering to the floor. "I'm a fucking mess, Lily. Just fucking leave already."

* * *

Lily had noticed James' shift in attitude right away. She attended the funeral, sat beside James and clutched his hand even tho his fingers were just limp in her grasp. She sent him letters every day when at her parents even though she was lucky to get a response. She helped him stumble in when he had been out too long with Sirius and rubbed his back as he threw up in the toilet. She threw away his empty Firewhiskey bottles under the bed that he tried to hide from her. She helped him with every class, even the ones she wasn't in with him. She was being who thought James needed her to be.

And then he told her to leave. Just like that, Lily's eyes welled up, and it took everything within her not to slap him. All the stress of trying to take care of him for 3 months, doing double of everything, and keeping a damn smile on her face and kissing him goodnight.

"How fucking dare you, James Potter." She slammed her books shut, stood up, and clenched her fists so tight she thought she might draw blood. "After everything we've been through?"

"Oh!" James laughed crudely. "That _we've_ been through? Did your mom die, Lily? Do you feel a black hole in your chest every second of every day? She was my life!"

They each stood on a side of the bed, the air between them thick with fury.

"So, what? All of this, all of us means nothing?" Gesturing between them, her hands wildly flailing. "This is your fault James. You kissed _me_ , remember? You asked _me_ out! I gave you everything!" Lily's throat began to close up, on the verge of screaming.

James scoffed. "Merlin, Lily. You were dying to shag me, you could hardly wait!"

Lily's blood boiled, rage coursing through her veins. "I thought us moving so quickly was a good sign! I thought I could trust you- trust you with me." The tears fell freely down her face now, her voice hoarse. As she looked across at James, he was nowhere close to the same boy she had kissed in the courtyard. His crooked glasses were no longer cute, they reminded her that he was probably too drunk to fix them. His messy hair made her mad, why could he never just brush it instead of running his hands through it every five seconds? There were stains all over shirt, probably days old. "I can't believe I stood by your side for so long. What happened, James? I'm someone you could count on, someone you could use for support."

"Just leave, Evans. You don't want to stick around me anymore anyway. I'll just hold you down. I'll turn my badge into Dumbledore tonight." James turned around and she could see him pinch the bridge his nose.

Lily gathered her books and the picture of the two of them on his nightstand, it was from the Halloween dance, Remus had captured James spinning her on the dancefloor with her head thrown back in laughter and a look in James's eyes that she couldn't even describe. The photo felt empty now, those could have been complete strangers, people from a different time. On her way out, she stopped and stood in front of his slumped shoulders. James raised his head slightly, somewhere in those sad hazel eyes she knew was someone she had at once thought she could've spent the rest of her life with. She used to imagine having dinner parties, buying furniture together, getting him into Muggle telly, and what their babies would look like. As she looked at the distant memory of the charming, loveable and mischievous James Potter, that all seemed so foolish. But even in her anger, sadness, and disbelief in what just happened, Lily knew he was in there somewhere. If they couldn't be together, she at least didn't want him to keep suffering.

"Don't you dare turn in your badge. This is the one thing I think that could get you back on track." Taking a risk, she gingerly raised her hand to his tear-stained, red cheeks. He flinched slightly at her touch. "I know you think getting drunk and acting out will make you forget, but I think it's only making it worse. Is this really what your mum would have wanted? Do what would make her proud, James."

She dropped her hand, clasped her books tighter to her chest, and walked away. As she turned around in the doorway, she witnessed James fall to his bed and hold his head in his hands. Realizing this was the end, every last string holding Lily's heart together, broke.

* * *

"I told you that it was moving too fast."

"You did not, Moony. You lot were _so_ happy for me."

Remus shrugged. "Lily gave this back to me today after Potions. She once said this picture felt like sunshine when she looked at it. Now she says she doesn't recognize the people in it. What exactly kind of shit did you pull? It might've gone fast but, Merlin, James. You were fucking happy."

James laughed, Remus only swore when he felt necessary. He was glad his impending doom felt important enough for Remus to curse. "I knew she wasn't really happy. I took mum's death harder than I expected. I knew she was sick, Moony. We knew it was coming. But, somewhere deep down, I guess I still had hope that she would be there when I got home, cooking stew and challenging me to gobstones."

The two friends sat in the owlery. James wrote to his father, the first person he wanted to tell about Lily. Well, actually he had wanted to write his mum, but he couldn't exactly do that anymore. He had ran in to Remus as he sent a letter off to his own parents. It was freezing as they sat on the bench among the stench of owl feces, but it kept James's head clear.

"Look, mate. I really don't know what to tell you. I haven't been through this, and I know you thought Sirius could help, but at least when he gets drunk, he still goes to classes and talks to his friends."

That made James feel the most guilty. He really had neglected his friends the past months, hiding in his dorm. Merlin, if Lily wasn't living in the same dorm and didn't know his whole schedule, he would've completely blocked her out too.

"I'm really sorry, Moony."

"Don't worry about it, Prongs."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. For the first time since Euphmia Potter's death, James didn't feel totally out of control of his life. "Lily said something that kind of made me rethink everything."

"Oh?"

"Well, to start off, I think she thought that I needed a crutch. And maybe I did, but not the kind that babied me and fed me soup. I needed someone to just tell me the truth, not to feel pity or look at me with sad eyes, I do that to myself enough." James took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calculate his thoughts. "It's not her fault though, she wasn't sure what to do either, she really was doing her best. But even after I swore and yelled at her and said terrible things, she should have slapped me, stormed out and never said anything to me. Instead, she told me to get my act together and make my mum proud."

James saw Remus smile. "You never told her about getting the Head Boy badge did you?"

The two laughed. "Not exactly, kind of woke me up from whatever ignorant, selfish trance I was in. Of course she wouldn't want me ignoring my friends and girlfriend, or getting drunk every day, or failing my classes. I've really gotta get my shit together, mate."

Another break of silence. "So did you say all of this to Lily?" Remus asked. The two had silently agreed it was too cold in the owlery and headed back to the Great Hall.

"No, I don't think she would care now. She's still polite to me, but there's no more excitement in her voice and she won't even keep steady eye contact with me. I think we both know we have to be civil if we have to keep working on Head duties together, and it's not even awkward which is worse. Total indifference. Opposite of love."

Remus was ahead of James on the steps and stopped in his tracks. "Look, Prongs, I know you love Lily, or at least think you do, but maybe the best thing for your relationship is for you to get back on your feet. Get Head Boy duties and the quidditch team back. We really have been struggling without you as captain." Remus paused. "Then maybe Lily will start to see you again, not just how you behaved after your mother's death."

"Do you really think it will be that easy?"

"Not a chance, but it's at least where you should start."

* * *

A/U: I know some of you were waiting for a chapter so I hope this helped! Not my best or longest either, but just wanted to get something up to get my motivation back! Love all of you leave reviews, always is the best! Promise not to be gone for so long again, xx


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